Page from the diary: Seeing the bright side

Nothing extra ordinary. I am trying to look at the bright side here. The problem is: it is dark. Very dark. No electricity. Nothing new here too. It is 2:40 in the morning and I can hear the roosters. Never mind the roosters. The question is why should I be staying awake when the whole world is sleeping? Adjusting to Mr. Electricity playing spoilsport. I was told he was haunted by Light. Some-good-for-nothing-Big-wise guys sitting on big rolling chairs play ‘roll my arse’ with their legs tangling in the air and happily use up my river to light up their house. Big dams consume our land. They said this was to light up our homes. The problem is they are all in the water.

And mother thinks the government is very generous every time the electricity lights up for 2 seconds. At least, she can see her children in the light. Every time the electricity passes through our homes, you can hear the shouts of jubilation. The rushing of feet to put on the boob tube. Kids fight for their favourite TV shows. The local movie library does brisk business. It is amazing how we get adjusted to the timing of electricity. We just have to do whatever that needs to be done with power when there is power.

And then, there is the music. The neighbourhood music box rapping and screaming at 5 in the morning or 10 in the evening. Otherwise, it would never get used.

Make hay while the sun shines is the theme. Recharge your batteries, inverters, cell phones, lamps, press your clothes, enjoy your ice cream, the fridge is on. [It actually reminds me of the days before water supply came inside our homes, when we have to fetch water from public supply. We had to fill up each and every available container. Ah, the satisfaction that we got out of filling them up! Bliss.]

Candle lit dinner has nothing to do with romance or courtship. But, again, may be, it is! Mr. E leaves us and we go back to sitting around the fire pots, sharing stories, laughter, kids do their home works in front of candle light. And here I am typing away my battery. It says 14% remaining. Let me get some sleep before the neighbourhood wakes me up with their music. I just hope it is not hip hop! November/2009

The die has been cast

Look at us, there is nothing left.
We could have taken another route
But we would still end up here
Our reality, a chemical fried journey
To the fairyland that exists only in our mind.
Our body scarred by choice,
Or was it forced unto us?
Disowned and forgotten,
I tried to go back
But I was told I did not belong in their world
So I chose to sit here and take another trip
With that little piece of whatever running through my blood.
The good preacher came looking for me to save me from sin
But, he left. He could not stand the stench.
The social worker vowed to save me
I guess she got tired waiting for me to wake up.
They found me this morning.
Lifeless. "Just another loser", they said.
I made my choice.

Colour of a survival

I heard him calling out with innocence
That comes only from a child
There was happiness in his voice
For once, I wished the dream would stay forever
Just a moment longer.

We are what we are, molded by circumstances
That we tried so hard to forget
The past is always there in the dark corners
To remind us of our lost
Coming when we least expect.

To make it a little better for him
I search for sweetness
To make it easier for me to survive
I paint a world in my imagination
Myriad colours of joy, happiness and laughter.

The Heart Cries

I walked in the cold street alone

Taking comfort in the glow of the street lights

I told myself that this would pass with time

And desperately wait for the healing to come

I lost myself in hazy grays

A drug induced trance

I thought I was saved then

And waited for rapture to take me home

The world was an existence forgotten

For a hair’s-breathe, I was happy

But the heart cries.

The morning sunshine slipped through the blinds

The rays became the shadows in the darkness

I turned around toward the light

To find my fantasy looking at me

A beautiful day, it said

I could have cried then

But I shut out the world that waited outside

And for a brief moment of time

I pretended that I was home

Smiling to a face that would not be there tomorrow

And the heart cries.

I looked back to the past

Where everything was filled with innocent bliss

The time has turned, since then

And I am here fighting a battle without no end

I lose whether I come out victorious or defeated

There has to be an escape door to get out of this emptiness

The pain known only to the heart

I am waiting for time to heal me

To forget a dream that became too real

To keep looking for the sunshine

And the heart still cries.

A confused dyslexic

I woke up in reverse
Hazy senses
Everything looks the same
The difference seen only in the written rules.

I look for a way out,
To escape the storm within.
I struggle to solve the jumble in my mind
A game of wrestle between chaos and disorder
The match point decided by pandemonium.

I failed to read between the lines,
Simple sentences to disguise the intricacy within.
In the broad daylight,
I am confounded by what I have written,
Nothing but jangle of an insomniac inventions.

A shout from the abyss

Between the living and the death,
She is fighting her demons.
Swallowed by darkness,
She is there waiting for infinity to take her.

Her shout is an echo from the past,
Chosen to be forgotten by her own.
Torn and broken,
She is too far gone to realise her existence
And it is just a matter of time
Before a miss step will take her to the edge.

She is a scavenger,
Seen only in the shadow of the night.
Her scream lost in the abyss
Forever unheard.

Elements

I danced with the storm and shouted with the thunder
I cried with the rain and laughed with the wind

I felt the breeze caressing my face with love
And I whispered my thanks to her.

I sang along with the rolling river,
My voice lost in the scream of the rushing water

I told the trees my life story
And he told me everything would be fine.

With the roaring fire I shared the coldness within me
And it gave me back its warmth in return

The cold tells me to value what I have
For nothing last forever.

Each drop of water reminds me of life given
Each breath of air, the fragility of life

I am with them and they are with me.